i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
