I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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