Please, let me fuck your mom
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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