pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
