Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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