I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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