whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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