i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
