HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
