Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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