We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
