I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
