I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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