it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
