i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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