Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
