After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
