at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
