I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
