dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dick very happy bro
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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