Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
