we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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