I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Success! We fucked roommates!
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