either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
