there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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