How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
