Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
