PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
