I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Randomize
