I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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