my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
