all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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