I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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