how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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