:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
