You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
