Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
