does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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