I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
