She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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