You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
organizing the empties. That sober.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
