My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
