Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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