when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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