I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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