I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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