A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
