Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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