i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
me + whiskey = a bad person
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
