He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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