Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
