Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize