My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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