so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
how drunk are you?
Several
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
