he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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