How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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