I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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