I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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