So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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