just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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