My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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