Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
