my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
