Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
