I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
