I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
